Wednesday, June 10, 2009

"If I’d allow myself to feel the things I know I should,

Then I might not be standing here. My mind is busy trying to sort through your words, or lack thereof the ones that I want to hear. I rip my heart up piece by piece to show you how I feel if I thought that you’d even care."
I don't think a lyric has ever described me more than that right there. It is exactly how I feel about you.
But I'm tired of thinking about you all the time. I need a break. Take me out of this place, I cant do it anymore. Everything is so confusing and mixed up that I don't know where up is and where down is. At the same time, though, some things seem to be looking up.
I feel a lot better about myself than I have in a long time, and that's new for me. And Im glad. I hardly even care what people think anymore and that's a really good thing. I do, however, care what you think. I care about every thought that you have. How you feel about me, or if you feel anything for me at all. You've hurt me more than anyone in my life has ever hurt me and you dont even know it. Im never going to tell you how I feel. Because I know it's a waste of time. And we'll just drift apart more than we are now. I wonder if you know Im talking about you right now. Or if the thought that it could possibly be you is going through your mind. Probably not. But maybe you are now that I said something.

I wish I could just forget everything that has ever happened with us.
And Im sure none of this makes sense, or fits together. Things only make sense inside my head. Maybe I should just keep them there from now on.

Im tired. It's loud. I want everything to stop spinning. My head hurts. This doesnt make sense. I dont know what Im saying. PLEASE BE QUIET. Please. Im begging. I just need a minute to collect my thoughts in peace and quiet for once. I want to go read my book in the quiet. Im tired of this screaming. I just want to go to sleep. But it's too loud. Everything is a mess. What's going on...?

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