Friday, August 28, 2009

You can drive across the entire country and never find exactly what you're looking for.

My eyes are burning but I refuse to sleep without you. There have been countless days where I have felt lost and useless. I still have your jacket on my bed. There are pills on the table, I refuse to take them to fuel my depression and ability to think. I should have seen this coming.

"If we spend our time obsessing with the future or regretting the past, then we will never live. Tomorrow will always be tomorrow and yesterday cannot be changed." - Jon Foreman

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A letter to...

Hey, I dont really know who you are yet but I know you're going to go many places in life and you have so much potential. All you have to do is try and you can make it. Sometimes you might not feel very strong or great at anything, but you've made it this far so you must be some kind of wonderful. Everything you have gone through is making you that much stronger today, and remember that everything happens for a reason. You are beautiful inside and out. Please dont forget any of this, ever. I hope you get everything you want out of life and you never let anyone stop you from going after your dreams.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Do you ever think?

Just because you are a certain way, I get dragged into it as well. What you are doing affects my life greatly. I hate you for it. I hate you for taking away everyone I love from me. If people find out I will be judged also. I think you only care about what you want in life. There is nothing you can do to change how I feel. I will always have hatred toward you. Forever. Nothing will change that, especially after you change. I wish I didnt have to deal with it at all. It just isnt fair to me, or anyone else in our family.

You're tearing us all apart.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

I never do what I tell myself to do.
And I always do the things I tell myself not to do.

School starts Monday. Just one more chance for disappointment.
Cant wait.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Seven years.

I miss you more than anything. Especially in times like these. I wish I could just call you, and tell you what's going on. And you say you love me. And that it'll all be okay. I want you here right beside me.
August 7th 2002.
Honestly, I remember this day clearer than any other day in my entire life. I have this reoccurring nightmare, and I had it this night. Im trapped inside this endless maze. A building. All darkness. A couple of nooks here and there. No where to go except around and around, trying to find a way out. I'm always with my family, one of them is always being chased by someone, and is always right behind me. Saving me from whatever is chasing them. That night? Jason was following me. Being chased himself. (I'm not sure if that makes sense) I was running around this maze, I found a closet. I ran into it, shut the door. The footsteps stopped. No more noise, except me breathing. Then the closet door opened, I screamed. Jason was there to save me. But, whatever was chasing him, and me, killed him. Shot him with a gun. In the background there was a phone ringing. I woke up. Drenched in sweat. Home phone, ringing. My dad answered. Called me and my brother downstairs. He told Justin what happened. Justin told me. I burst into tears. I didnt understand. I thought maybe I was just having another dream. But I wasnt..

Rest in Peace, Jason. Forever in our hearts.