Saturday, June 06, 2009

I dont make sense.

"then you grow up, and realize that all the things you’ve been ignoring, pretending they didn’t affect you, acting as if they never happened, are catching up with you after all. it took a while, but now they’re winning over you. all the things you refused to deal with are right in front of you, and you realize how stupid you’ve been to think the way you did. because obviously, you can’t just pretend that something did not happen when it did. broken hearts, failed friendships, rejection, goals you did not accomplish, money issues. there are several issues. some from years ago, some from months ago, some from weeks ago, and even some from a few days ago, all of which you refused to deal with at the time and decided to ignore instead. all this, running through your mind, feels like you’re going insane. you try to do just what you used to do, ignore it all, but it doesn’t work anymore."
wow, I absolutely love Alex Evans. That describes me. All these things that I've held inside for so so long, are finally catching up. And now, I feel like Im going insane. My body just cant deal with all of this pain anymore. I need a fresh start. But that's impossible. I want to forget every bad thing that has ever happened in my life. Too bad it isnt that easy. I guess these things are just going to be things I have to face now. After almost seven years, my brothers death has finally caught up to me. So many broke friendships are finally affecting me in every way possible. I feel so alone and vulnerable to every person in the world. But no one talks to me enough, or knows me to know that these things have just been pushed aside. And I've been acting like they dont bother me
But god, everyday it gets worse and worse.
I guess it's finally time to step up. And grow up. I cant do this anymore.
Sometimes, all we need is for one person to really care. And I dont have that person anymore.

Today I bought new books. And a bookmark! I got Catcher In The Rye. Which Im so excited about reading again, because I love it. And Im glad I finally have my own copy. I also got Paper Towns. I think Im going to read it first, though. John Green is an amazing writer. Check him outttt [:
OH! I got Go Ask Alice, too. Which I've been told to read multiple times, so I bought it. I'll have a busy summer reading all the time. ahaha.
Last thinggg, I think blogger hates me. My main photo thingy wont work :[

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"
My bookmark says that [:

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