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My youth group talks about people when they walk away. I never join in, sometimes I just listen, and other times it pisses me off so much I either get mad at them, or walk away. And then I wonder if they just talk about me when I walk away. I wonder if anyone would stand up for me like I've stood up for them. I feel like that a lot; as soon as I leave, they talk about me just like they were talking about the last person who left their little clique circle.



I want some real friends who will stand by my side no matter what.

Because maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me

"And after all you're my wonderwall"

I dont have anything to say.
Why do I always feel like my blogs must be long and say something important?

Not this time.








I love you with all my heart. I always have and I always will.

Really?

I'm honestly am surprised at your immaturity. Im happy for the first time in almost a year, but you just have to crush everything. Your words hurt me. You may not think it, but they do. I think about them way too often after you say them. And it's like you think I havent thought of any of it before. Maybe I know that people are using me. But honestly, maybe I could care less. Maybe all I want is someone to make me feel safe.

Canada and other rantings.

Canada was amazing. Better than I ever thought it could be. I got close to so many people I've never even pictured myself being friends with, and I actually feel like I belong somewhere.
Though this feeling may not last long, I like it for the moment. Camp is just around the corner. Hopefully it is just as good as Canada was.

Hey you, I miss you. I know I say it a million times a day, and I think it more than that. But I do. I miss us talking constantly and knowing everything going on in each others lives. I miss us being best friends.
Hey you, I really care about you. I want to lay with you and know everything about you. All your secrets, and what makes you tick. What makes you the happiest, what you love. Everything. It wont change how I feel about you one bit. Just be honest with me.
Hey you, you're a cool person. We get each other. I told you all my secrets this week. I havent felt that close to a person in months, maybe about a year. I dont know anymore. But thanks for already being a great friend.
Hey you, I really cant stand your existence.

That is all I have to say.

Listening for patterns in the sound of an endless static sea

I have nothing to say other than that I miss you a lot. And even though you probably dont care about me anymore, I care about you. I will never forget you, or anything you and I have been through. And I hope you get everything you want out of life.


<3


Adding onnn:
I honestly envy those people who can make friends everywhere they go, and are just fun people. That has never been possible for me. Im quiet and awkward and bad at making conversation. Making friends is one of the hardest things for me. I dont know why. It should not be that difficult, but it is. I want a close group of friends.

I wish I lived in a book.

I don't want to just be alive, I want to live.

No long stories, or ranting. That is all.